i will be a legend one day and this will be how youll remember me

november 27th 2019

so yesterday my teacher realized my cat shares a birthday with hitler. on monday i broke things off with emma. emma has a fetish for hilter and people keep calling me a nazi. right now the only friend i consider real is olga and other than that all the rest of my friends are on pixilart. on there i only really trust amy and nakia. i trust matt but hes not active all that much :(. if i ruled as dictator id murder everyone who upset me. also tomorrow is thanksgiving thats cool.

dont judge me for this. i made it when i was an edgy 12 year old and i regret it lol

november 28th 2019

idk its thanksgiving and people are coming over. well... just my pap. my family hates me lol. my grandma lori just stays at home and just bes lazy. shes an alcholic too so yeesh. she has stuff wrong with her mentally so she still lives with her mom who is a jerk. most of the people down there are anti vaxx tho so i guess its good i dont see them often. i do miss grandma lori though. i havent seen her since june 2017 and i dont even remember what she looks like. grandma lori just seems troubled tbh. shes a little fruity sometimes but shes still cool sometimes too. my pap (hes my great grandpa. hes my moms moms dad) and my great grandma peg (shes the mother of my moms dad i think) are the closest family besides the ones that already live with me (my mom, stepdad, brother, and pets)

november 29th 2019

today feels like saturday, its not though. i got the idea to make a goldfish holocaust shitpost movie while my mother was reading me a book earlier. idk why though. i think it was because there was jewish characters in the book and i thought of the holocaust and i was eating goldfish crackers so boom! goldfish holocaust.

november 30th 2019

today feels like saturday, its not though. i got the idea to make a goldfish holocaust shitpost movie while my mother was reading me a book earlier. idk why though. i think it was because there was jewish characters in the book and i thought of the holocaust and i was eating goldfish crackers so boom! goldfish holocaust.

december 1st 2019

my grandma peg was supossed to come over yesterday. i feel betrayed

december 2nd 2019

gotta go back to school tomorrow. oh buddy boye! at least i get to see my favorite teacher #war.

december 3rd 2019

so i didnt get to see my favorite teacher. her and my science teacher swapped :(. also my mom and my princapal found out about the hitler stuff so rip goldfish holocaust.

december 4th 2019

my dad recited a hitler joke he told before. my mom didnt mind, even though she just said yesterday i would forget what its like to mess around and draw on the internet after school if i ever joked about hitler again. wh-? oh well, im having pizza and gray uploaded a new sims 4 video so buh-bye now

december 9th 2019

its been a while since i wrote something here. oh and my ferret died so thats kinda :"(. also i never said this here but ive been self harming since october 29th and i kinda cut part of my leg and i keep pulling the flesh off it everyday with tweezers so i sometimes feel sick from self harming and it hit me kinda hard today because my mom was telling me noodles died and my leg was just in pain but i felt sort of numb at the same time. ew.

rip noodles

feburary 2014 - december 2019

december 10th 2019

today after school i burried noodles it was hard and i cried a little but it had to be done.

december 11th 2019

i went to chillies yesterday and i got a queso burger. it was legit the best thing ever and i feel a bit better :). also last night i had this wacky little dream with all my teachers in it and i thought id share it because i cant stop thinking about ittt.

so basically my social studies teacher, who ill just called "war hardenin me heart", made a whole speech about germany and then my science teacher, who ill call "shcience", got mad at war hardenin me heart for making the speech and was all like "omg how dare you make a speech about germany?!" and then my gym teacher, who im calling "just workin on my core" here, got mad too and he just started screaming while exercising. meanwhile my math teacher, im calling him "get more math" here, was all mad because no one was logging onto getmoremath.com, and then my english teacher (callin her "eleanor roosevelt") , was reading to mentally disabled kids in a hallway (which is very cash money of eleanor roosevelt ngl). my art teacher (lets call her "not rejected from art school") was doing bob ross cosplay and i was like "not rejected from art school?! why are you doing bob ross cosplay??". it was a funny dream

december 13th 2019

today i talked to olga and we joked around and drew haha funny stuff. i made a new fursona since peant. isnt really me. thats cool.

december 18th 2019

communism :0

but seriously i just ate chilli today and drew OMINOUS FURRIES

december 21st 2019

today i read. or uh raather listen to an apple sleep experiment. i drew something inspired by a scene in it. it was dictator!sicily tying emma to a tree and she had a sharp object in her arm. she was all bloody. also himeguts was hanging from a noose tied to a tree in the background :). i got a lot of backlash from it though and i honestly. seen it coming. i dont really care though.

december 23rd 2019

nothing interesting happened today exept i did watch a muppets christmas carol. i cant sleep right now. its past bedtime. i guess thats goodly though because of my "tradition" of staying up all night on the night before christmas eve and completly exhaust myself. maybe if i stay up all night ill just write updates throughout the night. its not even 12am yet though so the next time i update will be in the next entry rip.

december 24th 2019

aight bitches. im back. i wrote the updates down below. i wrote these as time went on.

update 1: its now 2am

update 2: its now 3am

update 3: its now 4am. i was going to attempt to fall asleep just for a little bit but then i remembered i never made christmas cards for my family so im going to go make them before its too late

update 4: its now 5am and i was going to try to fall asleep just for a little bit again but then my body said nO. i snuck on my school computer real quick just so i could make a deviantart status update saying "its 5am" and then i texted my guidance counselor saying "its 5am".

update 5: its now 6am and im just wasting my time looking up emily youcis on 4chan because im bored and i felt like it

update 6: well its 7am and im on the gamers against himeguts channel because lmao fuck hime.

update 7: its now 8am and i dont kow what life is anymore. im just gonna draw alfred alfer shit pfft.

update 8: its now 10:30am and i just straight out self harmed agAIN. ive been doing it every day since october so IM USED TO IT HEEH.

update 9 (final update): its around 9pm. im so fucking tired i legit feel like i dont exist. like im drawing and i feel like my arms are going numb. i dont feel real. nothing around me feels real. i asked my mom if i could go to bed nOW and she said i have to wait a bit. i just ate popcorn and watched a christmas carol but this time it was the mickey mouse version.

december 25th 2019

today was christmas but like HOLY FUCKING SHITT! I SLEEP SO FUCKING GOOD LAST NIGHT MMMM. i feel asleep like INSANTLY and that NEVER happens unless im as tired as i was. i had a weird dream too. it was the night before christmas and all thro-. yeah no. im not doing that lmao. but anyway it was the night before christmas and i fell asleep right away because i was so tired. but when i did i had the WEIRDEST dream? so my parents found this like service and they had little disks with videos on them and they were all shows i used to watch as a tiny fetus kid thing but not really because this whole service and all the videos were nonexistant and just made up for the dream by my brain and there was some dark story behind the service/company so once they found out about it again they were so fucking hesitant to let my brother watch the disks and they didnt want me to know it so i had to like. secretly try to uncover the big secret. i ended up finding this thing they put out and it was full of innuedo and jokes about nazis and i was shocked and i filed a complant because it was for 3-7 year old CHILDREN and like WHAT THE FUCK?. but like they got really pissy at me for complaning and they played an edited version without all the nazi stuff and then they were like "see? none of that! one more FALSE complant and youll be sorry!!". and thats all i remember from the dream. but im sure youre wondering about my day so i got woken up at 12pm today by my mom and everyone got to open presents. my big present was my laptop which if youre interested is a lenovo laptop that can turn into a tablet if you fold it a certain way. it is a chromebook and chrome is the operating system. i got to download roblox and i fucked around on there. i also read a bit about johny the homicidal maniac so thats nice :okhand:

december 26th 2019

i attempted to stay up late tonight so i could fuck around on my 3DS while my parents were in bed because yes. but i ended up getting tired and i fell asleep around 4am. i was so out of it my brain was playing tricks on me so i kept hearing this sort of screaming noise but it was quiet and weird. when i closed my eyes i seen a little girl stuck and trapped in a corn maze and she was screaming for help. i ended up falling asleep. i also went to my paps house and i brought my 3DS and showed up alfred alfer videos. i showed him alfreds playhouse part 2 and i remember you and maybe some others i dont remember. but the funny part is i showed him alfreds playhouse part 2 and he sat through the whole self harm scene and he wasnt even concerned during it. the only comment he made was "is that putin?". putin only showed up for a singular second and thats the only thing he pointed out so i found that really funny. thats all that really happened today.

december 27th 2019

ew today sucked dick. my parents fought almost all fucking day, some WHORE on roblox saw just my little avatar once, decided i was hot, then made me go to her bedroom in the game and do sexual stuff with her. she had my character put their mouth on her characters waist area and refered to it as me "n*bbling her private area" and like now i just cant hear the word n*bble without my mind triggering off this memory and i get so uncomfortable and i feel unsafe and i want to cry so thanks a lot BITCH.THANKS FOR MAKING ME DEVOLOP A TRIGGER WORD. also this all couldve been prevented because if i wouldve went to roblox high school 2 instead of the old legacy version (i only went there for nostalgia purposes but STILL) i wouldntve met that FUCKING WHORE. oh amd if my mom werent sick that day my dad wouldve never gotten the day off and they wouldntve fought all fucking day almost.

december 31st 2019

ew the year is over tomorrow. 2020s probably gonna be like. way more worse? people keep saying "just give 2020 a chance it could be better" but thats the same thing they said with 2019 when 2018 was ending and 2019 was worse than 2018. every year just gets worse but i cant say that to my parents because my mom tells me to think positivly and my dads just like "stop trying so hard to be dark". im not even trying to be dark but uh ok dad.

january 1st 2020

at like 11pm on december 31st my mom caught me on my 3DS watching alfred alfer eat my rotten meat 2012 and she stoled my 3DS and went through the camera app because privacy doesnt exist anymore ig and she found pictures and videos of my self harm so now i cant hurt myself anymore. she fixed up my leg and put a band aid on it, sprayed it with disinfectant spray, and told me no to self harm because i couldve killed myself. my dad threatened to take me to the 5th floor or like a mental hospital or something and i didnt like that. i got told i couldve;

A. gotten a blood infection and then i wouldve had to go to the icu and i mightve died or some shit

B. died

or C. just gotten a regular infection

and that made me feel really bad and i cried

january 2nd 2020

today sucked ass. thats all.

january 3rd 2020

today sucked even more ass. i woke up at 7am and i snuck on my school laptop to watch alfred alfer and maybe talk/vent to olga about my winter break so far and how much it sucks ass but my dad caught me up watching the alfred alfer christmas special and he snatched my laptop. he then had the audacity to go through my 3DS with my mom and they watched more of the self harm stuff AND they watched some of my private vent videos and i felt violated and exposed. i also kinda had a nakey photo of me i took as a joKE and so they accidentally saw a minor naked and that made me uncomfy even if they are my parents and it was an accident. and idk if it was my mom or my dad that saw it and it would make me 10x more uncomfy if it was my dad that saw it so fml. my mom also went through my chats with olga and seen some private shIT. like they saw me making really offensive jokes about hitler and nazis and the holocaust and they got mad and thought i supported hitler. i do admit what i said was absoloutly horrid and i regret it even though it was a joke and i didnt mean it i still feel icky i did it :"(. basically i made jokes about people being put into ovens during the holocaust, made jokes about consentration camps, and i said used the word k*ke as a joke and i really feel bad i did it. because like using slurs even as a joke is wrong and the other jokes were in poor taste. i still think nazi jokes are funny but im gonna try to be more careful and be less hurtful :). but anyway today i couldnt get on my computer so i was just bored out of my mind and i just sat on the couch, drew, and watched tv, and it was the most boring thing in the whole fucking universe. all i could think about is how i could be playing roblox or checking my notifactions and social medias. and i just missed internet so much and it was my fault i declined my moms offer to atleast get on roblox. i was so bored i wanted to die.

january 4th 2020

please fucking end christmas break. fuck fuck fuck FUCkK

january 6th 2020

first day back from school :). ive never wanted a break to end so badly because fuck school. but god fucking damn am i happy to be back. today wouldve been better if i wouldntve stayed up all night to the point of pure exuastion AND if i wouldntve found out my parents went as far as watching the alfred alfer vids on my DS and now im not allowed to even DRAW alfred. way to go mom and dad. way to go :)

january 17th 2020

sorry for not writing anything in a long ass time. i didnt really have anything interesting or worth writing here so. f u ck. but anyway i want to like. self harm again. but i forgot i cant now oop. my dad did a bunch of lame shit today. he yelled at me for something as little as forgetting to turn on the lights while i was in my room then we ended up getting into a fight about the computer mouse because he snatched it right out of my hands and when i tried to get it back he yeeted the fucker pretty hard and i told him if he broke it he was going to pay for it as some kind of sassy comment because my dad always says if i break the electronics im gonna have to sell all my stuff to pay to replace it so i kinda pulled a him and told him since i used to mouse for not only drawings and talking with my friend but i also use it for school because i go to cyber school and if he broke it he would have to pay for it and the stupid anrgy hothead for some reason, even though he uses the term "if you break it, you pay for it" all the fucking time, he decided he had no clue what i was talking about and he was like "i already paid for it years ago when i bought it, dumbass" and my moms like "dont call her a dumbass. she meant youre going to have to pay to replace it because youd be responsable for breaking it, not her". then my dad didnt want me online unless it was for school but my mom didnt agree no, this show, is of my own ma- *gets slapped and so when me dad came out of the bathroom from getting ready for work she made me pretend i was still doing school. but the reason why i wanted to self harm was because there was a worse part where me and dad fought further then claimed my new name was little hitler and he sent me to my room and was like "little hitler went to their room". and i kinda mouthed "fuck you" but no one saw. duh. the good thing was i got to talk to olga and vent to her a bit. this is day one of fighting the urge to self harm tho so day 1 lets have some fun :)

january 18th 2020

dont really have anything to put here so

day 2 :)

hope i can hold onto you

january 19th 2020

ive been trying not to talk to my dad. thats all i have to write rn.

day 3 :)

please help me

january 20th 2020

day 4 please help me more

january 21st 2020

p> its 2:35am and i cant sleep so if i cant sleep still later ill like update. also i cant sleep so :) day 5 hope ill stay alive :D

its 3:15 am and idk what to do because im feeling hysterical kind of. owo suck my nut x33333

ok its right before bedtime and im so glad? i was so tired i couldnt feel comfy all day.

january 22nd 2020

i just listened to suicidal rap orgys genital warfare album. its gross but its really. fucking. gooD? idk.

january 23rd 2020

tomorrow is my birthday. i ate burgers tonight and drew fanart for birdie/jack of an old oc he drew once 2 years ago but never drew again so i miss that oc and i told him he should bring it back. he hasnt reponded yet. ill give it to tomorrow.

january 24th 2020

i woke up at 4am tonight and i created some new social media accounts because im 13 now and i no longer have to lie about my age. ye its.. BIRTHDAY TIME!. at 8am i just talked to my guidance counselor but then it almost was 9am so i had to get off because i was sneaking online and i really shouldntve been online then. i had chinese food for my birthday so :D. and i had oreo cake too. it was DQ ice cream cake so YESSSSSSSSSS. also as you could probably tell i no longer want to self harm. im goodly now and ive forgiven my dad.

january 25th 2020

today i went to chuck e cheese for my birthday :-). i know that sounds childish as fuck because im 13 but it was fun and the pizza is really good.

january 29th 2020

today i got into a fight and lost the internet. i cried and ripped out some hair as a replacement for self harm. but it was ok because i got to eat pizza joes after i calmed down so yEAG

january 30th 2020

today i didnt even bother with the internet just in case i was still grounded from internet. i did my school work, got off, waited for speech class, did speech class, then shut down my computer and i just kinda drew on paper. wasnt as boring as i thought it would be to be honest. maybe because i still had some computer time? idk.

january 31st 2020

today i got to stay online. probably because it was friday and my dad had to go to work and he couldnt make any comments like "isnt sicily not supossed to be online". but then again it couldve been only for that day idk.

febuary 1st 2020

i just drew, ate popcorn, watched UNICORNTEARZ13s stream, and joined purbles server. i had loads of fun. best day ever tbh. also if youre wondering why im watching hime stuff its because im trying to consider himes side because thats what all the hime whiteknights tell me.

febuary 3rd 2020

sorry for my absense yesterday. my brother was sick. i was just animating something and my moms like "go get dressed because spencers going to go to the er" and so i went to get dressed and my dad got home and i went to my paps house. i went there at like 4 or 5 and didnt leave until after 9:40 and bedtime was at 9:30 so :D. i just watched cartoons for a bit then i watched the puppy bowl then i think i just watched shrek lol

febuary 4th 2020

today i was told by the princapal that i can only show the teachers 1 drawing per day from 7:30am-9:00am. at first i was scared when my mom told me to home here and i saw the phone was on the table and there was a call from the school on it. i thought it was going to be about yesterday. i didnt end up adding it in the last entry but what happened was my friend olga and i were in a all and i said something digustank and not school ok and goguardian freaked out and we both got a goguardian alert and it kicked us out of the video call and gave us the "content removed" pop up. and i was scared because i was worried goguardian would alert the school and show them what i typed because goguardian had alerted the school about something in the past but then olga told me not to worry because the school probably dont care about goguardian and it probably wont alert them. so i was so relieved when the call was about something completly different.

febuary 5th 2020

ugh so i woke up today at 12am and my nose did that stuffed up on only one side thing and sometimes that casually happenes but it goes away if i blow my nose and suck on a cough drop so i did that and it stopped and i fell back asleep but THEN i woke up at 6am and the same thing happened but it didnt go away this time so i woked up and i went out and got on my computer and started the school day. but then my nose kept getting all stuffy and i was like "i think i have a cold" when my mom got up and she didnt really think i was sick at first but as the day went on it was so fucking obvious i did so my mom let me blow my nose and use cough drops. the only sad thing was i couldnt take cold medicine so i had to do it the ghetto way (not trying to be offensive to ghetto people its an inside joke between me and my mothe) with nose spray, tissues, and cough drops and i hated it because last time i was sick in like august 2019 i used cold medicine and it helped a lot better but this time i couldnt because it interferes with my pResCrIpTiOn dRuGs. like ok. i take pills with breakfast but WHAT THE FUCK. why do they have to interfere with me taking fucking cold medicine? like. oh im sorry! i get pills from rite aid that i have to take every morning. GUESS I CANT TAKE FUCKING NIQUILL OR DAYQUILL. but anyway i was miserable all day. at least i got to talk to olga.

febuary 6th 2020

today i got up at 2am u-u. i couldnt help it though because when i have a cold i cant feel tired and i cant sleep either even if i am tired its just not something i can feel. so i fell asleep at fucking 12am and woke up at 2am and just stayed up. i snuck on my tablet and i watched a funny video called "ADULT MAGIC SCHOOL BUS" and it was 20 years later ms frizzle returned but she had lost her job and her bus so all they had was a magic hyundae. ms frizzle had the "kids" 20 years later. they arent kids anymore ffs put ms frizzles stuff in boxes and the "kids" learn that ms frizzle was devorced and it was hard for her so she was moving out HOWEVER it turned out she was just nuts and she thought her and her husband got divorced recently because he was having an afair with another girl but he really left her 2 years ago because she tried to cut off his dick. ms frizzle then shrunk the hyundae and drove into her ex husbands ear and he was comforting his new wife and he said he felt a tiny hyundae go into his ear (funny he could identify that so accuratly). ms frizzle then made the hyundae bigger and they ran outsaid and it showed a huge blood splatter on the window and the hyundae was covered in blood then she odered everyone out of her hyundae. it was a crazy video and i ended up messaging olga NONSTOP since 3:11am!!! i knew she wouldnt get them. i just wanted her to have a lot to go through when she came back online the we could be like "haha thats funni". we video called after speech class and i talked to her and it was fun depsite me still being miserable and sick. she wanted me to watch tf2 videos with her but i thought they were "gay". like not in the boy x boy or girl x girl context but like gay as in TOTALLY FUCKING LAME. i just drew alfred alfer and tried to pay little attention to the videos to make olga happy though i put most of my attention on my art. sorry olga. then she got on her discord account and she was in a server and she went into a voice channel and she didnt have headphones on so they could hear me just like i was at her house and i said cursed stuff as a jOKE mostly and she was like "dont say that. ill get banned" lol.

febuary 7th 2020

frick. so me and olga arent friends anymore :"(.basically i didnt know anything was going to happen. i was still miserable from being sick so i woke up at 3am, snuck on my tablet, and just did normal internet stuff. i sent olga some messages over time and shit and it was all normal. i got out to get on my school computer at 6am like i did the last 2 days, it was normal. i remembered if you consume hot/spicy foods and stuff you can open your sinuses and my nose be CLOGGED so i got some kfc hot sauce packets and DRANK, then i drank hot sauce from taco bell, then i ate jalapenos. it didnt really help crazy much. like my nose was more runny than stuffy which is good. but my stomach just hurt. at 8am i poured myself some lucky charms but i poured too much and so i could only have a tiny bit of milk or else my bowl would overflow so i ate that. then at 9am my dad awoke and he was all like tellin me he had to go because basically his sister who ig is sort of my aunt? i mean hes my step dad but ig she still counts? idk. but she was in the ICU because she was injecting heroine into herself with dirty needles and she infected her blood. my dad didnt know if she would make it or not so he was going there. he had to be at work at noon so i was expecting him to come back home to get ready for work but he just left for work after he left the ICU. the sad part about me and olga happened around 10:30ish. i was in science class and i was just chatting with her back and fourth in class and things were pretty normal until i said "lol my dad has a reddit account its [insert reddit name here]" and then i was expeting a reply like "lol your dad has reddit" or some shit but she just replies with "my mom talked to me and said that she saw the conversions that we had on my sisters computer." then im like "oh fuck im gonna get in trouble" and like shes like "she wants me to block you or she will show my dad and the entire school." and i was like "nonono youre my only friend" and shes like "youre my only friend too so im sorry for this" then im like no. and shes like "you and i will get into real trouble if i dont" and i begged her not to i was like "please no" "just sneak to talk to me" and shit like that shes like "lol no" then she sent me an image of mrs puff and said it was the last image before she "died" and then she blocked me. i tried to say no but the message wouldnt send because "i was blocked by the recipient". and i just cried right there in science class. i told my science teacher in private messages about it and she said she was so sorry. later, in gym class we were gonna do our fit log and then i clicked the link and it redirected me to a page saying i had to sign into my chromebook via google. i typed my email and password in and it told me i was locked out of my account by my admin so i panicked and told just working on my core about it and he was like "thats. odd. ill contact the school about it" and so i was panicking still but i felt a tad better. my mom then got up and after class ended she was like "so. i got a call from your princapal" and i was like "oh shit" i didnt say that out loud though. then she likes tells me i was saying bad things and i said i wanted to kill myself and she asked me what it was about and i told her i kinda got really upset and said i wanted to kill myself. i wasnt going to do it because dying is one of my biggest fears i was just so emotional from loosing olga i just kinda said it. i felt depressed and empty at the time. i felt like i had no one left in my life. i told her about what happened with olga and she said she felt bad but i was still my fault. she called the school and i got to talk to my guidance counselor about it and i kinda vented a bit. she let me back in my account she just disabled the google chat thing. my mom made me a normal bowl of lucky charms and i got extra breakfast :D. i was surpirsed i ate it all because my appetite is weird when im sick. when i was waiting for my lunch to be done it was chicken noodle soup i remembered my mom said olga didnt have to block me to prevent anyone getting in trouble because either way i still got in trouble. basically her thinking was if she blocked me (which she did) her mom wouldnt tell her fathe or the school and none of us would be in big trouble though even though she did block me, some other kid snitched on me and the school still did find out and i still did get in trouble so i sent olga an email saying "either way i still got in trouble and my mom said she didnt need to block me" but my mom was like "who are you emailing" but i didnt want to tell her it was olga so i said i didnt want to tell her and i ended up crying again. then i took a bath and i cried a bit in there and my dad came home while i was in there so i came out and he said he got to leave work because of his sister being in the ICU. but he had to leave to visit her again and he would be back soon. i cried again about olga but then me and my mom played mario kart 64 and my dad came home, and i watched the simpsons and he made pizza snacks, and that was epic. i still was sad though because part of me still felt extremly empty.

febuary 8th 2020

still sad and i have nothing to type. i am mad though because the school brought back goguardian on my computer >:(

febuary 10th 2020


still sad. i got to mess around in the void today. calling it the void hurts though because i stoled that from olga :(. yesterday was my parents' 11 year anniversary though. and homer simpson vore, krusty the clown hanukkah vore dinner challenge, bart simpson super vore extravaganza!!! 2020 edition (NOT CLICKBAIT) (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) 😱😱😱.

febuary 11th 2020

today i got the full on BLOW. more kids snitched and found out i was joking about hitler and sharing jokes about him and shit. stupid kids. time to snap their necks. imkiddingpleasedontsueme and my mom lectured me and made me cry. i did get to watch more simpsons which made me very happy :D

febuary 12th 2020

today me and olga got to be frens again. my mom got her moms phone number and they talked things out. mrs. w had a thicc ass russian acent though. i already knew that but i heard her voice before but my i dont think my mom did and she had trouble understanding her but it still went nicely and my mom said she was nice. however i got to go to my paps house and when i came home it turned out my mom went on my account and went through shit and she found old alfred alfer images in my google photos and theres a way to delete them through the album archive i think but everything including that is blocked on my school computer and she wanted me to delete them but i couldnt so she insisted i was "hiding something" and i told her i wasnt and it was impossible to delete them unless i was on another device without goguardian on it. but she decided to message the princapal and she was like "sicily said she wasnt hiding anything" then she had the audacity to put an eye roll emoji. like ok. but im being serious and i even showed her proof that every way to delete the photos is block. she pysically even seen the goguardian "this page is blocked" screen come up. smh

febuary 13th 2020

today is thursday, i am alone with just my grandpa and brother. i am writing here while i should be doing a tda. today i snuck and watched alfreds playhouse part 1. it made me very happy! i like the retro alfred cartoons better than the newer ones because they focus more on the dog being crazy then the dog being sexual. i still like the newer ones but the clasic 2007 alfreds playhouse will always have a special place in my heart. i made up a song out of pure insanity and happiness about breaking out of my shell to watch Alfred. it’s called “fuck my parents”! here are the lyrics:

Fuck My Parents

Lyrics by Sicily

Fuck my parents fuck my parents

fuck the rules fuck the rules

I love being offensive I love being offensive

fuck their rules fuck their rules

I love Alfreds Playhouse I love Alfred’s Playhouse

If I can, I’ll watch it everyday,

Fuck what my parents say fuckity fuckity fuck fuck

I love Alfred I love Alfred I love Alfred I love Alfred

I love saying offensive things, oh yes I do

I love my parents but their rules suck toes.

hope you like my song! I sang it while dancing in my room wearing a gown! It made me feel very happy!

anyway I guess before I do my TDA assignment I need to get some things out…

so goguardian decided to block EVERYTHING NOT SCHOOL RELATED except for my drawing thing kleki. they blocked youtube, it wasnt even blocked earlier i was legit just on it for school earlier. they blocked masterpiece generator, toyhouse, bitchute, EVERYTHING! i cant freaking listen to music now! my computer has no disk thingy so I cant put in a cd and anything i could use to listen to music is blocked. YOU DO REALISE LISTENING TO MUSIC CAN DECREASE STRESS IN STUDENTS AND YOU FUCKING BLOCK IT???? i looked up. listening to music can have a tremendously relaxing effect on our minds and bodies, especially slow, quiet classical music. this type of music can have a beneficial effect on our physiological functions, slowing the pulse and heart rate, lowering blood pressure, and decreasing the levels of stress hormones. with some more searches ive found these “listening to music can relieve depression and increase self-esteem ratings in elderly people. making music can reduce burnout and improve mood among nursing students. music therapy significantly reduces emotional distress and boosts quality of life among adult cancer patients.” im not eldery or anything but still this proves music does good.

since everything is blocked i cant go to articles but See? RIGHT THERE! you shouldn’t block music because MUSIC IS GOOD. i cant freaking listen to such a nice good song. i was going to listen to “blonde hair, black lungs” which is a song i love but i cant now.

FU CK YOU GOGURADIAN YUOU SUCCK TOES but like anyway. today was boring as FUCK and im just glad i got to watch alfred

febuary 14th 2020


basically its valentines day and I DEFY you HEART MAN! on a more serious note i hate my life right now. i cant do anything online and i cant do my acellus before school because my mom hides my laptop in her room. FUCKITY FUCKITY. however i decided to respond to emails with bart simpson gifs so thats cool.

going on to the more serious stuff once again, my pap is coming over today to give my mom and i some valentines day chocolates. i am currently waiting for my next class to start so im just spilling my thoughts into this trashy document. anyway how are you today? i am good. i cant wait to watch more simpsons with my parents later. besides alfred alfer, the simpsons is my favorite show and im allowed to watch it unlike alfred lol! i have a feeling i am being watched right now but im brushing it off. last night i had a dream my mom found an “anti willow” hangout on my home account, this hangout doesnt exist in real life though. the mascot of the hangout was a jello monster. my mom found the hangout and got mad. she also forced me to tell her a joke but the only jokes i could think of are jokes i am not allowed to tell so i said no. this dream reminded me of the time i was sending an email and my mom wanted to know details about it and i said no. yesterday i watched this episode of the simpsons where homer caused a crisis and he remembered if that ever happened he had to press this button to stop it, but he wasnt paying attention so he just guessed and pressed a random button but it turned out to be the right button and he saved the day. everyone thought he was a hero but he really wasnt he just guessed and got it right. he was scared people would find out and think he was a fake. meanwhile milhouse's mom told milhouse he couldnt be barts friend anymore because he was a “bad influence” on milhouse. i could really relate to this episode on both the milhouse and bart part AND the homer part. alsotodaywasmegaboringinawaybutatleastigottoeatcandyandwatchthesimpsons

febuary 18th 2020

i had funni time with guidance counseler. and my mom got mad at me for saying i liked the number 420

febuary 19th 2020

heehoo last night i had a dream i was on the 419 eggs chat but i renamed it back to 420 eggs but then my parents got on and renamed the chat to "dont name your chats innapropiate things" then i asked them "how is 420 eggs innapropaite?" and theyre like "its because april 20th is hitlers birthday" which couldve been a hint at the sicily is a nazi theory. which if you think im a nazi like. fuck you? im not a nazi.

febuary 20th 2020

two more months until my cats birthday and i cant wait because its also barney from the simpsons' birthday too :D. but anyway i found a youtube channel called creepshow art and i love her videos omg wtf? also my dad made extra good mexican pizza WHAT THE FUCK?

febuary 21st 2020

the chocolates tasted great. wednesday at dinner we were eating tacos and my dad brought up MREs and then he talked about his dad being in the military and his uncle being in WW2 and how part of his family were french and how they had to get away from the nazis and then he legit fucking hinted at his “cute” little “sicily is a nazi XDDDD” theory. please shut the hell up with that dad. i picked out your hint please just leave me the hell alone with that. i remember all the things you’ve said.

“youre not a nazi they wouldnt accept you because you’re not german”

“little hitler, thats your new name”

“little hitler went back to their room”

“it makes me mad that people support or think that kind of STUPIDITY is funny”


also in TODAY news i had a haha funny meeting with get more math and i was scared he was going to bring up the hitler stuff but he just talked about my grades. amd after that i listened to an old live interview from 2016 with EMILY YOUCIS :DDD OH AMD I DREW SICILY LAND ;3

febuary 22nd 2020

nothing really happened today. we did get to see grandpa simpson cross dressing to entertain some nazis and he got hit on by hitler which is funy as fUCK. also we got shamrock shakes so :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

febuary 23rd 2020

my dad made the assumption that i kept bringing up grandpa simpson cross dressing just because of the hitler part. in his words he was like "do you keep bringing it up because he got hit on by someone". which i mean that is SORT OF the reason because a grown man being hit on by hitler who thought the man was a woman is LIKE SO FUNNY? i just though HE, abraham simpson, dressing like a lady for hitler and a group of nazis is FUCKING HILARIOUS? like seriously! it is so GOD DAMN funny to see grandpa simpson in ladies clothes with fake tits and everything. ITS JUST SO. FUNNY. LIKE OH MY GOD MMMMHFFFFFF.

febuary 25th 2020

i barely slept. i was up almost all night then i was gonna sleep but then my foot hurt so bad non stop for HOURS and i couldnt sleep until 5am. and i got woken up for school at 10am, i missed half of social studies which is my favorite subject but thank god that war be hardenin' me heart was out of the office. social studies wouldve just been "work in ss acellus for 30 minutes" and like. acellus? fuck no. so im glad.

febuary 26th 2020

OH MY GOD!!!!!! i sleep like fucking sleeping beauty. my mom made me wake up at 9:47 though. i wish i couldve slept longer but SSSSSSSSSSHDJSJ. we were going out to eat but shit happened. oh well. also its been 3 years since 02/26/17 because todays 02/26/20 so its been 3 years since the day i got scared shitless over a blues clues creepypasta.

febuary 27th 2020

today i went out to eat at a burger place with my parents, my brother, and my grandma who is unfortinate enough to have the name karen. we watched the simpsons when we came home YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

febuary 29th 2020

today is the first leap day in 4 years. last leap day i was a clueless 9 year old. i was pretty much clueless about everything like seriously. when i was 9 i thought hitler was a german geography teacher. not sure how though. probably because i had no clue who he was because i had never learned about him or nazis or anything before and i found a video of hitler saying nein for 10 hours and in the video i thought he looked like a geography teacher and i knew nein was a german word for no so i thought he was a teacher. and i seen memes that were like "oH nO iTs hItLeR" and i had no clue who hitler was so i was like "lmbo who teh durp is hitler". (i actaully typed like that back then ew.)

march 4th 2020

today i went on a walk with my mom and we made up simpsons romance songs. it all started because last night my dad jokingly told me to have a romantic dream about moe from the simpsons because i always joked and told them to dream about various simpsons characters and i would say stuff like "dream about krusty" or "dream about barney" as a joke. but then today we were joking about the romantic moe dream thing and we said romance with moe would be called moemance and its just like regular romance but with a little bit a moe. it was FUNNY.

march 6th 2020

yesterday i got locked out of my google account because i shared a simpsons slideshow i made to my class but someone thought the scene where i added abraham simpson cross dressing and saying he was hot was quote on quote "innapropiate" so their parents reported me. now i cant get into my email for school on my school computer because my computers making me sign back into my laptop via google but the way they want me to do it is via the computers settings and goguardian blocked that because the school thinks kids can bypass goguardian via the settings even though everything you could use to bypass it via the settings is already blocked too.

march 9th 2020

my dad got a week off. ew. atleast i got to go on a nice walk with my mom.

march 10th 2020

fuck... i think i really do love moe. my dad told me to have a romantic dream about him days ago as a joke (of course i didnt) and then i started a joke that my mom loves moe and not me but now i think i legit have a crush on himM. u//w//u why?

march 11th 2020

today was therapy dad but my therapist likes the simpsons too and she picked up my refereces!! GOOD!

march 12th 2020


i went for another walk but it was only 30 minutes because it was way too hot to walk and i was just sitting down on the couch after we got inside and i was covered in sweat just sitting there. fuck you sun. no wonder mr burns wanted to get rid of you

march 13th 2020

todays my stepdads birthday. hes 40 now. he was a grouch today and my mom and i agreed hes being a total kwyjibo. we still had fun though. i drew anime moe and eat cake AMD listened to system of a down bc EDGY. though i think my moe obsession is worsening because i cant stop thinkin about moe HHDNNNSNSD

march 14th 2020

i went to my paps house and all i thought about was food and moe

march 15th 2020

spider on the wall ;D. but in all seriousness FUCK.

march 16th 2020

no school for 2 weeks bc COVIDDDDDDDDDDDD. good. but seriously i talked to pumpkin and i felt nervous as fuck and she wanted to vc but i cant :(

march 17th 2020

pumpkin wants me to talk to my mom about letting me on discord im neverous as fuck. she will just say no and get salty. i know her too well.

march 19th 2020

i believe i was supossed to email my mom about the discord thing. i didnt sent it though. i was too nervous its still saved as a draft though. maybe i will send it in the future idfk.

march 30th 2020

school let back in again. im miserable again

april 1st 2020

ugh. i hate how we have to do school now. i crave death :"(. i wish this was an april fools joke

april 9th 2020

for the last few days people have een spamming jack/birdie. he hasnt been online. oh, jack.. please come back. your profile is a total disaster...

april 10th 2020

its been a month since me and moe MENTALLY got together and its been 4 months since jack and racco got together. eBic. jack still isnt back though and im starting to worry a loT

april 12th 2020

JACK IS BACK!!! he cleaned up his profile. im so happy ^^.

april 14th 2020

i thought today was part of spring break. i guess it isnt. fml

april 19th 2020

its my crazy grandma loris birthday and she thinks the aliens stole her alcohol again. its her birthday tho so my mom just let her have it and just replied with "those bastards"

april 20th 2020

hey hey hey. funny day. its 420 HAHAHHAHA. my cats birthday!!! and barneys birthday! and its hitlers birthday but fuck hitler. me and my homies hate hitler. my guidance counselor wished my cat a happy birthday. all he got was drugs (aka cat nip)

april 26th 2020

231518419 3114141520 4519318925 81523 132138 9 1215225 8913. 8419 11212 9 3114 20891411 12152120. 522518254125 1325 218191419 129115 “13155, 13155, 13155”. 9 239198 9 31521124 7520 8913 152120 156 135 8514. 9 239198 85 23119 185112. 9 31521124 25 2085 1651865320 “791812” 61518 8913. 9 2311420 2015 32144125 2116 2015 8913, 9 2311420 8913 2015 162120 8919 1181319 1181521144 135. 9 2311420 2015 615187520 11212 1325 231518189519,9 2311420 2015 615187520 522518252089147 52451620 61518 238120’19 7159147 1514 1897820 208514 1144 2085185, 135 259147 914 8919 1181319…

please help me, im not alright.

april 27th 2020

i probably do need to become less insane but dont care. people around me could say i need help but i dont really want it. im fine the way i am, but others arent. im trying to get over my *cough cough chokes* obsession though it is quite hard when all Iican legit think about is moe.

may 1st 2020

5 months into hell

may 3rd 2020

i have an overall displeasure with life. it sucks. so do i though.

may 10th 2020


may 17th 2020

yesterday i had a pizza party and made up a song. today i spammed sketchfloofs profile today and i really effected them :D!!! it got to the point they typed stutterd lmao. good. i got banned on my secret alt though. i went on a walk after that. it sucked though because my legs were unbelievably itchy and i was miserable rip

may 19th 2020

went on another walk. ew. i feel werd and sweaty and my legs HURT SO BAD SMH

may 20th 2020

the guts gang is back in toen to spam ME. seriously theyre spamming me wtf. idk if im more sad or if i just think its funny. probably most likely both lmao

may 21st 2020

the guts gang claim im transphobic (not sure), im a pedophile (im a minor wtf), and that i molest bart simpson in my basement. what the actaul FUCJK??!

may 22nd 2020

theyve gone pretty far. out of impulse i snuck online to check my notifacations and i had 90+ notifacations. all from the guts gang. i feel asleep and woke back up later from a dream about the guts gang. theyre bullying and harassing me, AND theyre talking sexually about me. i feel so uncomfy and sad :(. also out of stress i skipped math work all week and my mom found out and got angy. and earlier my nose bled ad i felt like crying. after school i logged in and i had more notifacations from the guts gang. i feel like crying for the 2nd time today.

may 23rd 2020

i barely ate today bc of the stupid guts gang. fuck you!

may 24th 2020

today jack said he hated me, told me he wouldnt pity me, called me a pussy, AND made fun of me with his friends. wow,, fuck off, jack. i was your BIGGEST fan! i did nothing but SUPPORT you and pelt you with FANART and you just shit all over me with your shitty ass whiteknight friends. not only that but my haters doxxed me. fucking thanks, bitch. go fuck yourself

may 25th 2020

still sad. oh, well.. atleast theres no school today :)

may 29th 2020

school is almost cancelled for the summer. good.

may 31st 2020

june is almost here wtf

june 1st 2020

gay tiem XD! anyway i got up at 3am today. i dont like that. but anyway i got to read some old ass, but still funny diary entries to my guidance counselor so thats cool. im also doing pride month requests on pixilart and i drew gay smithers >:D

june 1st 2020

today i started dating jackie (not to be confused with the jack dude i was talking about earlier). theyve been a goodly fren of mine for some time and i lov them u//w//u. in other news, i went on a disaster walk. it was fun at first but i got this pain in my chest and my legs hurt which was almost unbearable and i was gonna go to my grandmas house but she wasnt home >:( i was dissapointed

june 3rd 2020

today i got to see my grandma for realzies. it was fun and her fren liz was there! i showed them both my art and they liked it :D. exept then raven came over and everyone was talking about random family members who died and how they died and when and crushed my moms anxeity so we left. tomorrows the last day of school so hey, im not complaining.

june 4th 2020

todays the last day of school i joined the end of the year celebration and after school i watched detective pikachu with my family. good show. jolly good show.

june 10th 2020

ew,.. today was horrible >:[. i woke up at 2am and tried to sleep but failed. i ended up staying up and that was not fun. i felt the way i feel when im sick where i can be tired but i cant feel it and my stomach hurt. i also had bad anxeity and i had an anxeity attack because i seen irl gore online >:c. later on we ate steak, which was very goo, but i took a big ass bite of steak ad a piece of salt stabbed me right inbewteen my 2 front teeth and oh my god it hurt so fucking much. and then my dad put on bat metal mermaid murder and i liked it at first but then it got super duper violent and spongebob characters got mutilated and that triggered my anxeity so fucking much? like oh my goD. which all shows ive lost my immunity to alfreds playhouse part 2 probably.

june 11th 2020

OH MY GOD everytime i chew my food its in the front of my mouth by default and it hurts so bad to chew with those 2 front teeth wtf. in other, more possitive news, i seen grandma peg and liz today :D.

june 12th 2020

i went to grandma pegs today. i have a new achievement too!!!! i sat in the grass!! i was.., never able to do that before,,., but today i did!!! i sat in the fucking grass! i sat in the grass and petted my grandmas dog, jarko, and i sat there until i saw a giant bee, then i ran

june 13th 2020

today i was caught while sneaking on the switch. my parents werent pleased. long story short: i stated playing acnh lol xd

june 14th 2020

YES! i got back online today :D i had so many messages and notifacations >:0! smh u-u

june 16th 2020

lol today i woke up at 3am. i was gonna go back to sleep but then i kept getting violent intrusive thoughts so fuck sleeping lol

update: i fell asleep at 6am wtf lol

june 17th 2020

bummed out bc my grandma pegs in the ER and i was gonna visit her today but now i cant

june 18th 2020

i got to see grandma todAY :)

on a less possitive note i thought jack didnt know when people favorite his shit so on my secret sideshowsicily account i liked his latest drawing but he found out and told me to fuck off then he blocked me. reminds me of the time i apologized to someone but they threw it down the drain and claim im their abuser. more harsh than the jack thing but still sad. i wish jack didnt hate me. why does he hate me? i may never know...

june 19th 2020

tomorrow is saturday. why is this important enough to be mentioned in a diary entry, you may ask? simply because in 2 more days after saturday is the 22nd and thats the day my pixilart account gets unbanned. also a week after saturday the 20th is saturday the 27th and im going on a sleepover that day >:3. also nows a secret diary-ish part: my dads been getting 4 days off a week (tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday) and i hate it >:c! i used to have 5 dad free days in a row. a break from his anger and childish behavior for a whole school week and it felt so relieving. and he was only off the other 2 days. BUT NOW HE HAS 4 DAYS OFF IN A FUCKING ROW AND I ONLY HAVE 3 DAYS WITHOUT DAD >:c!!!. i cant tell my mom this either or she will get mad and call me rude :c. smh. i hope he stops getting tuesday and friday off. its making me wanna die. i stg if he gets all 7 days off i will cry and plan my suicide but never do it because im a pussy. dont you ever wanna die but youre also afraid of dying? same. like i can be suicidal but im also scared of dying? idk. lol what a wimp.i wish i could be immortal. maybe people will think im magic and ill get paid to shoot myself and live that would be cool. i could respawn just like a video game character.

june 20th 2020

1 week until sleepover and 2 days until pixilart unban.

june 22nd 2020

i was gonna see my grandma yesterday but it rained so i just watched the simpsons. but today my dad was cranky as BALLZ!!!. so he had to drop money off at his moms house and he wasnt supossed to go in he was just supossed to give it to her outside or some shit but he took forever and he was gonna get food so he told us not to eat lunch bc the food was gonna be our lunch but he took FOREVER at his moms house, then he took and extra trip to get his car worked on then he finaly came home at 4:30-5:00 maybe. THEN my parents fought and screamed at eachother so that was "lovely" and im stuck with this all week

june 23rd 2020

dad lashed out AGAIN!!! im TIRED of it >:(! go the FUCK to work and lash out on chad or something GOD DAMN IT!!!

june 24th 2020

we had lunch meat, i was awkardly left alone with my dad while my mom did therapy, i barely slept, AND i had a bad anxeity day >:(. i hate wednesdays. i like lunch meat but the rest was shit

june 25th 2020

people online are harassing me and im sad now :c. someone made fun of my name again and was like "bruh, why are you named after a part of italy" and that made me saddo daddo. i feel like a wimp. also hime get into my group dm and yelled at me and that raised my anxiety a lot. i thought for sure i would have to ask to curl up in my bed with an ice pack. she called me and my friends fuckers too and that hurt my friend supas feelings :C.

june 26th 2020

last night i couldnt sleep so my mom made me tea. tonight i had some more. people are harassing me too though so :C

june 27th 2020

i could not sleep normally last night. i woke up in the middle of the night and i didnt fall back asleep until after 9am and that SUCKED. also im mad bc i was gonna go on a sleepover and it was gonna be my ultimate excape from dad but it rained and the sleepover got cancelled >:(

july 1st 2020

tomorrow i have therapy AND a doctors appointment so watch me suffer up in 3D.

july 2nd 2020

today i accidentally made ship art of me and birdie and i felt bad about it :(.

the good part about today is that i got to eat mcdonalds food! OH AND my doctor ap. got CANCELLED so yay. i legit hate going to the doctor. i hate wearing that paper dress c i only get to wear my underwear under it and i feel so NAKE and the doctors usually male. so yeh. i dont like that :( i also ate sherbet too today though

july 3rd 2020

ew i got harassed :(

july 4th 2020

i lost supa because people that hate me turned her against me

july 5th 2020

i can still be friends with supa as long as its kept secret but then i cried bc she pretended to hate me and it legit started to hurt so now we're legit frenz :3

july 7th 2020

jackie left today. theyre coming back soon but EH i miss them so much :(

july 10th 2020

i had steak tonight thats all

july 11th 2020

AH falling asleep last night was impossible almost. i almost lost hope smh

july 17th 2020

someone was a spy in the drama server and they found screenshots of supa talking w/ people who didnt think i deserve happiness or friends. they were the same people that turned supa against me in the first place. she also invited someone to my server which lead to the spies getting in. supa also made fun of my crush on moe after telling me she didnt get why other people did it. i called her out on her bullshit and even MATT told her he was disappointed in her and that was pretty dick of her. right after we called her out on her bullshit, sje pulled the pity card and self harm and suicide baited us. me and matt called her and edgy emo furry and supa played the victim card and now her whiteknights think me and matt made fu of her "depwession". people actually think matt left supa over me even though supa left matt. i dont even know what to do or say now...

july 20th 2020

i still dont trust supa. we have been talking in a GC with just me, supa, and matt in the chat (haha that rhymes) but im not ready to be friends again (with supa). i wrote a funny fanfic tho.

july 27th 2020

loggin on to say todays olgas birthday

ok bye

july 29th 2020

today i got bullied again

july 30th 2020

people threatened to contact my mom again...

july 31st 2020

i deleted my server due to drama. someone commented on an old ass video from june 2019 i made saying i was obsessed w/ jack to my mom and trying to call me out. i privated my videos but they went to my moms discussion tab on her profile but i reported their comments. not sure itll do anythig though lol fuck

august 1st 2020

youtube actually removed the comments lol

august 23rd 2020

a lot haz happened over last few weekz. ive gotten harrased and itz BONKERZ in a bad way. but on da bright side i got a new kitten named manju ^__^. also look new typing style. cool

august 24th 2020

school stated 2day & itz ALREADY EXHAUSTING!!! i spent an hour doing work 2day and i wanted 2 shrivel up and DIE. qwq

august 25th 2020

2day waz my momz 32nd birthday. da cake waz :ok_hand: it had emo geez on it

august 31st 2020

2day waz bad. i woke up early az hell, had a mini anxiety attack over a close up o an eye, then supa and her whiteknight kiss ass friendz raided my server and i had a mental breakdowN and cried on da bathroom floor and squirted toothpaste down my throat until i came 2 my sensez and spit da toothpaste out b4 i got poizioned or some shit, but then i felt liek i waz going 2 die and my vizion waz going in & out so i drew and listened 2 "dream sweet in sea major". da only goodly thing dat happened waz i got mcdonaldz & got to talk abt inanimate insanity w/ my parentz (who know NOTHING abt ii or let alone da OSC).

september 16th 2020

a lot had happened since august 31st. supa & her kiss ass friendz have been bugging me, sketchfloof and i talked shit over, and more pozitivly, i vizited family and me, my stepdad, my mom, & my brother wet 2 hankz & got ice cream :3. today iz also my friendz bday. ok bye.

september 19th 2020

can u believe i had 2 write a "perswasive essay" on why supa and ash stalking & harrassing me just bc they hate me iz wrong & childish?? well i did and it waz PAIN. help meh u-u

october 1st 2020

i went 2 da park, but when i got home i realized i got kicked from my OWN groupchat I MADE again. wtf

october 26th 2020

a lot had happeed. im still being harassed, i wished on a daffidil seed dat Sicily drama would END & theyd STOP FUCKING HARASSING me but NO ofc it didnt bc wishez r a bunch of BALOGNA. but anyway, i lost a tooth 2day, bleed, and drew in my blood. :ok_hand:. also i watched mlp fim and da episode da smile HD song iz from waz on & it waz SO WEIRD hearing it w/o gore in da bg.

october 28th 2020

eh i watched da 1 reignbot video dat scared me. now i cant sleep qwq

october 29th 2020

today, i slept from 12am-3am, i,, tire,,,

november 17th 2020

my parentz voted 1 day,then did laundry the other & it happend 2 dayz in a row so i got 2 see my pap 2 dayz in a row! also me, supa, & nikki made up :D da 1 17th datz good. which iz weird...

november 23rd 2020

im gonna stay up ALL NIGHT 2night >:3

november 24th 2020

FUCK! i fell asleep. so much 4 recreating 2019 /s

november 25th 2020

at least 2day i made up my pap trip on nov 27th 2019

november 26th 2020

who knew a year from the day i waz up 4 30+ hourz id b playing acnl and eating turkey? well, here it iz bitchez, thanxgiving :3

november 27th 2020

last few dayz i couldnt sleep so ive been staying up until i cant lole

december 1st 2020

lollollollollollollollooolll i stayed up until 6am XDDDD but i woke up at 12pm and got mickey Dz YAY. mickey deez nutz.. i also listened 2 scare theater and watched poochy and panzy ok bye XDDDDDD

december 20th 2020

itz been so long but life haz been DRAINING since ive been doing acellus 4 2 hourz. kill me XD but itz winte break now so yayayayyaya XD

december 21st 2020

im gonna pull a SWAGE all niter on da nite b4 christmass eve


but anyway. today i read, or rather listened to "An Apple Sleep Experiment" again. i redraw dat old thingy i made inspired by a scene in it i made last year. it waz dictator!sicily and they were tying emma to a tree and she had a sharp object in her arm and she waz all bloody. this time instead of charlie hanging from the tree in da background, it waz 12 y/o me bc

1. i shouldntve drawn charlie hanging

2. im not a birdie whiteknight anymore and i dont hate charlie now so E

december 22nd 2020

today i just Talked to friendz. we got Mc.Donaldz and then we went 2 see da LITEZ!!! but OH MY GOD waz it annoying 2 get there. it waz SUPOSSED 2 take us 25 min. but INSTEAD it took us... idk... liek 3 hourz? bc there waz SO MUCH TRAFFIC. and we were stuck behind 2 hoez who were STUPID so Fuck. but when we got there, it waz cool AND they had a chicken on the Eiffel tower and a Self Milking cow. it waz cool. zoo wee mama!

december 23rd 2020

we watched a muppetz christmas carol again XD.

amd i wemt 2 my papz house XD

december 23rd 2020

i "cant" sleep :]

december 24th 2020

oly fuck itz 3am. also i know how 2 make myself somewhat flat :]

4am: im gonna make da christmas cardz since itz 4am on christmas eve...

5am: im on anal crossign

6am: u know what? im gonna drift off now lolz

10pm bied tiem XD

december 25th 2020

i had a disturbo drem and itz been bothering me so i thought id write it down: so it started out normal, it waz da ENDING dt waz BAD :thumbs_down: so i waz in a call w/ olga and then it cut 2 me putting in my headphonez so i could listen 2 YouTube and i waz abt 2 listen 2 a suicidal rap orgy album that doeznt rlly exist in da irl and 4 sum reazon they had this thing on YouTube dat doeznt rlly exist irl, were they play a video on da rite corner and it waz playing a video from some channel called "SomeOrdinarySurgeonz" and it waz liek SomeOrdinaryGamerz but instead of being an ebic gaymer the people on the channel were unebic surgeonz and in their video, they had someonez whole chest + belly gone and u could see da inside of their belly + chest and all theze weird organz were on each side and they started poking at them w/ a needle and laughing and making jokez abt it. so basically i dont need 2 go on a goresite (why would i?) or accidentally stumble upon irl gore elsewhere (datz more liek me lolz) 2 see irl gore. my brain just showz it 2 me when im asleep, which suckz, bc irl gore iz a trigger of mine lolz. anyway itz 4:50 now XD byez 4 now >:3c

april 22nd 2021

typing normal now in theze oopz Today is quite normal but I am here because im like SO FREAKING ANXIOUS??? ive been like this since Tuesday. My stomach has been hurting in an anxious way since Tuesday and its already been like 2 days. I thought it wouldve gone away on Wednesday, because usually feelings of anxiety like this only last a day, but no. It all started because of my stupid Flavor Aid craving too. Like I wanted grape Flavor Aid (or at least Kool Aid because they’re like the same thing) but we didnt have any so I just got myself other grape juice but then my brain told me it could be poisoned and I just believed it even though that made ZERO sense. Then later on I kept getting intrusive thoughts about poisoning my own drink. Today I kept jokingly asking my teachers if they like grape Flavor Aid and one of them actually figured out why ive been joking about Flavor Aid and now I feel like im going to be in trouble. im also starting to be afraid of St Demetrius. They seem super manipulative and scary to me. First they made me believe I killed someone, then they apologized, and now they purposely took my messages out of context and tried to get into my classroom. I also CARED for them too because they were acting all suicidal and when they said they were going to eat I felt scared for them so I told them not to choke and they tried to take my message out of context. Which is, yknow, what I get for caring. They claimed they were joking about wanting to die, which, I know I havent been making the best jokes lately, but even I have standards, and you should NEVER joke about being suicidal. As someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts and as a self-harm survivor I HATE that they joked about that. They also lie A LOT about the simplest things. Like they told me they were 10 and in 5th grade and then later on today they tried to say they were in my class and they found a link to my LLS session and logged in. Like who lies about something as simple as what grade they’re in? Like St Demetrius, hon, I know youre in 5th grade. I can access your google calendar the same way you accessed mine. They also tried to say they were born in 1986 at one point which is weird. They sounded all defensive too when they claimed they weren’t in 5th. They were like “I LIED OKAY??? I’M NOT IN 5TH”. But like. Yes you are. Also some kid told me I was crazy for being non-binary which is not cool or swag, but, y’know, what is there to do about that?.